Obituary in the Sunday's, 07/27/2008, Wichita Eagle

http://www.legacy.com/Kansas/DeathNotices.asp?Page=Lifestory&PersonId=114211396

Update to KC Haywood's Farewell Tour

Again, Thanks for your patience.

KC's Wichita Service/Celebration will be on Saturday, August 2nd from 4 to 8 pm at the Orpheum Theater at 200 N Broadway St, Wichita, KS.
http://www.mapquest.com/maps?city=Wichita&state=KS&address=200+N+Broadway+St&cat=orpheum

Please help spread the word to his friends.

I would like to invite anyone that would like to speak, play music or volunteer to help, to please contact me at greg@riverat.org so I can get you on the schedule. Please include a phone number. We would like for everyone that wants to, to have an opportunity to be part of this celebration.

Also we will have 2 CD's of his music available:
Handsome Molly, and,
Live On Stage 7, KC Haywood 2003 - 2007

Thanks for all of your thoughts and prayers.

Don't forget, August 3rd, in Ponca City at Webb's World of Fun.

KC Haywood's Farewell Tour

Thanks for being patient while we determined what to do in Wichita.

The Memorial/Celebration in Wichita will be on August 2nd. The location and time are still to be determined, and will be announced here on the blog.

On the following day, August 3rd, KC's 30th birthday, we plan to meet in Ponca City at Webb's World of Fun, the location that KC and Sarah had chosen to be married. We hope you will join us there.

Thanks for your continued thoughts and prayers and please feel free to post your stories. This blog requires that you be invited before you can blog, so if you would like to blog, send an email to kc@riverat.org and we'll be happy to invite you.

Too little too late

I've had an invitation to the blog for a week now, but I have not been able to write. Every time I get on and see the pictures and read how much he is missed, I am too overwhelmed with emotions to be coherent. I probably won't be coherent, but I have to tell everybody how much he meant to me and how even though we hadn't spoken in years the world feels a little colder without him.

I did not know KC the bartender at the local gay bar, or KC the mechanic, or Sarah's KC, I knew KC the firefighter, the movie enthusiast, the budding musician, and I knew the KC that we all did, the KC that could light up the room and win you over in a single smile. I met KC at Video Casa in Taos. First he was a customer, but after a couple times of coming in and chatting he asked for an application. I knew how amazing he was already and recommended they hire him. He got the job and our friendship began.

I was in high school, miserable and out of place, and he and Chance (another coworker of ours) were my best friends. They were the people I spent my Friday nights with. Yes, those Friday nights were spent at Video Casa, but never in my life have I enjoyed working as much as I did with KC and Chance. We laughed. I remember it took a while for KC to get used to our senses of humor. Me and Chance were both from big families and were used to the mindless bickering in good fun that can develop between siblings. In the beginning he didn't really participate, but before long he jumped in and soon he was completely fluent in teasing. He told me I had tree trunks for legs, he was honest. If I noticed him checking me out and said "what?" he would say "just checking you out." That simple, never anything more, never a lie.

The spring before Pirates of the Carribean came out the preview was on another Disney film we had at the store, and at least once a week he would pull me into the kids section and we would watch the preview at least 3 times in a row. The man loved pirates. We had to go see the movie opening day, there were barely any seats and I swear I could have licked Johnny Depp from where we had to sit. I loved to talk about books with him but no matter what we discussed he would still contend that Johnny Cash's biography was the best. He would never get a tattoo from the same person twice, he hated mayonnaise, he believed in love. We played poker until 3 am laughing, drinking and tell embarrasing stories. KC was the only person I've ever seen get in a real fist fight. He was fierce and fearless.

There are so many things I wish I could say to him, I wish that I had been a little more mature when I saw him last so that I could have said them. I love him and miss him. Sarah and Gail, I never got to meet either of you but if KC loved you I know I would to, he loved people worthy of loving. I hope you can find some peace and happiness the way I know KC would have wanted you too. My thoughts are with all of you missing KC.

Remembering KC

I read Phoebe’s entry this morning and it really made me realize how special KC made everyone feel. Her experience with KC was so much like my own, but he always made me feel like I was his best friend.

I met KC in the fall of 1997, shortly after we both started at KU. We had a mutual friend in Wichita that gave KC my number. I remember waiting for KC to come over for the first time. While my roommate and I were watching out my dorm window for him, a guy rode up on his bike, took off his sweat-soaked shirt, reapplied his deodorant and got a fresh shirt out of his bag to put on. A few minutes later, KC knocked on my door. We went out for Chinese food and then to Liberty Hall to see a movie. When we got to Liberty, KC announced that he was out of money and I would have to pay for both of us. When I got home, I immediately called my friend in Wichita. I sat out in the hall gushing about how amazing KC was, “just like Neal Cassady” I thought.

We became good friends after that and a couple months later KC showed up at my door with a broken collar bone and announced that he couldn’t ride his bike anymore and since he worked on campus, he was moving into my dorm room with me. That was just the beginning of years of KC showing up at my door, sometimes alone, sometimes with his girlfriend and Rufus, looking for a place to stay for the night. The last time I remember KC showing up like that was a few months before he moved to New Mexico. He drove up on his motorcycle and said he was moving to Lawrence. “Great! Where are you going live?” I asked. “Here!” he said and tried to convince me to let him move onto my back porch. I told him no though, because it was winter. Instead, he stayed inside on the couch for awhile. KC spent Thanksgiving with me and my family that year.

Over the years I’ve lost touch with KC a few times, which was easy to do before he had a cell phone. But for the last couple years we’ve talked on the phone every few months, I was even lucky enough to receive an email from him a couple times. The last time I saw KC was when Handsome Molly played at the Replay in Lawrence a couple years ago. I spent the past winter in Italy and was very unhappy and lonely, but I would listen to Handsome Molly on my walk to class in the morning and hearing KC’s voice always made me feel better. The last time I communicated with KC was in March when he sent me an email saying he was going down to New Orleans to record a new album. I was looking online a few days ago to see if his new album had come out yet when I found out that he had died. It was so unbelievable that I called his cell phone hoping he would pick up. Instead, I got his voicemail.

The last few days have been very difficult. I’ve missed going to Winfield and spending time with KC for the last few years (all the years KC has been performing there) because I’ve been in Wyoming in graduate school. I’m moving back to Lawrence in August and for months I’ve been looking forward to going to Winfield so I could see KC perform and meet Sarah. When I talked to KC on the phone in December before I left for Italy, he told me I should camp in the River Rat camp with him instead of Walnut Grove “where all the old people camp”. I was also looking forward to KC and Sarah showing up unannounced, looking for a place to stay when they were in Lawrence.

If there’s anything I feel I should have learned from KC, it’s that school and work should never take precedence over enjoying life and spending time with friends, especially going to the Bluegrass Festival. I put off calling KC when I got back to the US last month and can’t say how much I regret that. I’m so glad that the last time I talked to KC, he told me he loved me.

Sarah and Gail, I can’t tell you how sorry I am for your loss. The last time I talked to KC he told me that he had found the girl he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.

Missing KC

KC Haywood was one of the greatest loves and best friends of my life.

I first met him in Lawrence Kansas as an amazing, vivacious 18 year old with spiky bleach blonde hair, a hundred watt smile, and just this fantastic spark and spirit that took your breath away.

The first time I saw him, he literally knocked me down as we both walked to register for classes. He was so apologetic and flustered as he helped me gather my things, but I was in a hurry and couldn't talk...
The next day, he came into the restaurant where I worked to get a job application. We saw each other from a distance, and smiled.
The day after that, a good friend of mine from Wichita, Frank Keith, called to say that a boy who had worked in his comic book shop for years had enrolled at KU. He, Frank, was coming to Lawrence to introduce us so I could take the boy under my wing.

Frank arrived that night, and we drove to the boy's house. When he opened the door I gasped and laughed.
And he said, "Its you!"
And I said, "It's you!"
And he said, "I've been thinking about you for 3 days!"

And that's how I met my wonderful friend, KC Haywood, who would challenge me and laugh with me and kick my ass all over the place.

We had a little romance over the first couple years, but eventually that morphed into a relationship that is the closest thing I will ever have to a brother, and I loved him so much. I love him so much.

It was another call from Frank, on Monday July 7th, that let me know he was gone. Since then I have been trying to work up the courage to articulate something here that would let people know about the wonderful relationship we shared and how much he meant to me.

We did not have the same friends. We had not lived in the same city for years. We hardly saw each other in person. But we always knew to pick up the phone every 4 or 6 months so we could talk for hours. And no matter what we were doing or who were at that time, it was always a given that we loved each other. Even if we argued, or laughed at each other, or totally didn't get the other's choices, we would always be there for each other. He was such an incredibly generous spirit and I just always knew that he would always accept me and would always be a part of my life.

When Frank left me emails to call him, that something was wrong, the first thing I did was to call KC to see if he knew what was up. It never ever ever ever occurred to me that my boy was gone.

The last time I saw him in person was two years ago, at my wedding, when I got to meet his lovely Sarah. He was so happy and in love and I was so happy for him. It meant the world to me that he was there, especially when a lot of my other friends from Lawrence did not make it. But I knew he would never let me down. He never did.

Now, this weekend, I am in Lawrence again. More than once my heart has frozen as I've been sure, for a moment, that I've seen him. He is everywhere here.

I want so desperately to pick up a phone and talk to him.

In the first days after I found out, I called his phone just to hear his voice.
But then it became a ghost voice that broke my heart, so I stopped.

I cannot believe he is not in the world.
I miss him so much.

I have never before believed in religion or heaven or a defined afterlife. Now, though, I find myself thinking that there has to be a place where I will see KC again. There has to. Somewhere where he will walk up to me and say, "Its you!"

My best friend Cassie, who also loved KC, has told me that when someone dies what is hardest on those who loved them is that suddenly their love has nowhere to go.

Sarah, Gail, and everyone who loved KC and was with him through this, I hope you do not mind if I send my love for KC to you. I cannot think of a better place for it.

KC Haywood was one of the best people to ever enter my life and I will never stop missing him. Someday I hope to go to Chicago and see Sarah and meet his friends and see the life that he told me about so many times. But not yet.

For a little while longer I want to believe that he's just a phone call away.

several things I've been thinking about.

I first ran into KC at the Working Bikes Co-Operative, where we both happened to be shopping. KC was building a bike for some friend of his, collecting old cruiser parts from around the warehouse with a plan in mind for everything. No wasted money, no fancy parts, just reliable stuff that nobody else really wanted. I wish I could say the same. A few weeks later, KC came into Rapid Transit looking for a job. I hadn't really talked to him at Working Bikes and didn't really recognize him when he came into the shop. He seemed nice, wasn't the fastest builder we've ever had apply, but he stuck it out until he got it right. It took us WAY too long to hire him. I don't remember what it was that was going on, but he put up with a LOT of waiting to work with us. I really regret not getting him in right away. KC was never the speed champion of assembly because he always took the time to do it right. His bike knowledge was limited when he came in, but he came in with a thirst for knowledge and a willingness to ask questions that quickly made him the best assembler I've worked with. I had lots of hopes for KC at the bike shop. I wish I could tell him about them. I know he had lots of frustrations at the bike shop, and I REALLY wish I had paid more attention and helped work them out more.

When I think of what happened to KC, it seems so unfair. It's not like he was doing something he thought of as dangerous, I'm sure he had done it many times. When I think about how I think KC would view it though, my perspective kinda changes. He died from something he was responsible for, not from someone else's carelessness or recklessness. I think he'd rather have it that way.

I'm not sure he really knew how many people really loved him, I guess none of us do, but the outpouring of support from all of you to everyone involved has really blown my mind. I can't even begin to tell you how much it's meant to me to watch everyone come together like this.

So, I've made new friends through this, gotten to know other friends better, cried a bit, which I think everyone needs at least once in a while, I'm aware there are positives in this, but MAN! What a drag it is not having KC around.

I know it may sound cheesy, as the truth often does, but those of us who are still here should really be making sure we're taking care of each other the way he took care of us. If there's something I can do for you, come to Rapid Transit and let me know. My name is Sam, and I'd love to give back some of what all of you have given to me in these very hard times.

What an amazing night

It was great to meet everyone, but how we wish it were under different circumstances. It is so easy to see why Sarah loves you all so much. Thank you all for taking such good care of her for us.

Missy (Sarah's "sissy"-in-law)

Taos, NM Memorial Monday July 7th

There will be a memorial Service in Taos, NM for KC at Eskes Brewpub Monday July 7th.

Music by Dewayn Brothers and Two Ton Strap

Probably happening around 7ish, but come early and stay late...

if you have any pictures, please bring them along.
afterparty too...

From a Wichita friend

It’s not supposed to be this way. KC is supposed to walk through my door sometime and tell me what’s up in his life.

KC walked through my door in 1998 when he came into the Activities Office to join WSU’s Student Activities Council (SAC). So, I met KC before he drank beer, played in a band, had assorted body modifications or chest hairs! He was a kid.

He had lots of interests, certainly music being one, but he ended up on the SAC Issues Committee which was run by Bob Hines. KC was soon known by most people in the organization. He had tons of energy and charm but ran from serving in a leadership position when he was approached. That was too confining for him. I remember him going nuts at a entertainment buying conference held in Omaha. Bob met his wife there and KC lost his cowboy hat and we went around town looking for one for him.

Besides SAC, KC joined our Crew Team. At that time they were a bit wild and that’s when KC got his first nipple pierced. Many of the crew team had them. I remember him proudly showing it of to me at the WSU gym.

KC moved in the house right next door to me for a short time. It was a tiny, tiny place on Fern Street in Wichita but when Bob needed a place to stay, KC took him in. One night KC came to my door to invite me to an outdoor movie. I went outside to see that he and Bob had set up their tv, sofa and some chairs in their front lawn. Not quite what I was expecting at the time but I know that those who know him would say, makes KC sense!

At some point KC or Bob got a hold of a trampoline that they had set up in their yard. They had a blast with it. KC said that he used to bounce out there naked. I never saw that and luckily neither did the other neighbors. Soon the landlord sold the house and KC moved away.

He didn’t stay enrolled WSU but would occasionally drop through our door to say hi. He was on campus to attend some professor’s lecture he had heard about. He would sit in the back of the classroom, even though he was not enrolled in the class. KC disappeared soon after that.

A couple of years later I went into my favorite Wichita tavern, and there is KC bartending. I didn’t know that he knew anything about liquor considering he was anti-alcohol, and this was a gay bar! As we caught up with each other’s lives (no, he wasn’t gay, yes I am fine) I couldn’t help but stare at his neck. He had some funky thing poking out of his neck. I asked about it and he took off his shirt to show me a huge tattoo on his chest. Problem was that his chest was so hairy now the tattoo was hard to see. I had to laugh. Did he get the tattoo before manhood hit? He also had both nipples pierced now and a few other tattoos, with plans for more. If I remember right, he was designing one of special recognition for his mother. He worshipped her and wanted to have a special representation of her on his body.

He was well loved at the bar of course. I enjoyed being able to drop in and see him again. He was getting into music quite a bit more. Just as before, he just disappeared, only this time he left Wichita.

Late one night I was home and there was a knock on my door. It looked like some scary skin-head looking guy. It was KC! Although he looked rough, once he opened his mouth, it was the same compassionate, loving, crazy “kid”, just older looking. He was back in town after fighting fires out west. He talked about his music and that he wasn’t sure what he was going to do with his interest in it. He didn’t seem to have a clear idea of where he wanted to go but he sure loved the excitement of fighting fires. We talked for hours. I was sad to see him go when he left but I knew that our paths would cross again. There was not doubt in my mind. That was the last time I saw him. It wasn’t supposed to be.

He was supposed to walk through my door sometime and update me on his music. That he was playing in a band and doing some recording. He would tell me about the love of his life and tell me how much he loved his mother and how she was doing. He would ask me about how I was doing and REALLY ask, not just small talk. Although I have not seen him in a couple of years, I feel such pain at the loss of a free-spirit. I haven’t cried this hard in a long time. Reading this blog, hearing his music, seeing what great friends he has, I am so proud that I had him in my life. I have worked with thousands of students at WSU. KC really touched my life, as he did so many others. We are all lucky to have had KC come through our door!

Michael Madecky
WSU Activities Director and honored friend of KC

Wichita Service

Many have asked about a Wichita Service.

We plan to have a Wichita service in the near future, but have not yet determined a date.

Diversey Rock N Bowl

Everybody's favorite buddy Bobby Miller is organizing a cool event at the Diversey Rock N Bowl (2211 W Diversey Ave) on Saturday July 12th from 3-6 PM.

$20 gets you shoes, 2 drinks and 3 hours of bowling.
There will be a raffle as well with very cool items to be given away.
Bobby's trying to figure out how many people are going to show up so help a buddy out and send him an email to let him know if you're planning to show up.

Also, if you are interested in donating any items for the raffle, please email Bobby. Ask your company or friends, you'd be surprised how generous people will be with gift certificates and the like.

Bobby's email is killkid77@netscape.net

Yeah Buddies!!

Celebrating KC update

More information to pass on:

To make sure we don't have too much of one thing and not enough of another, I've been asked to tally what folks can bring to the memorial on Friday.

Here's the list we've come up with (in general):
Grills ( charcoal or propane and propane accessories )
Charcoal ( or propane and propane accessories )
Side Dishes ( if you've got something planned, please specify)
MEAT!!!!Ice. Gotta keep things cold.

Coolers
Paper plates
Utensils
Beverages (adult or otherwise)
Water
Garbage Bags
Lighter Fluid
Cups and/or shot glasses
Napkins/Paper Towels
And FIREWORKS.

Let's do it up.
The powers that be are very, very appreciative of your help.
If you have received Jill Hopkins post: Please leave your items in the comments below HER bulletin.
If you see that someone is already on top of things, try to bring something else if you can. And feel free to pass this on to others who may want to help. Otherwise, just bring your cute selves.If you are not friends with Jill, lord knows you should be, just send her an email and let her know what you're gonna bring.http://www. myspace. com/jillhopkins

Celebrating KC

Here is some information I need to pass on about the gathering at the Humboldt Park Field House on July 4th from 4 PM to 10 PM.

Booze are allowed, no kegs though. There will be a frig but it would be best to bring some coolers.Everyone is encouraged to bring food. There is an oven, stove and there will be a grill, so you can cook onsite.Bring some brats, burgers, chips, dip, salad, beans, 16 oz USDA Grade AAA ribeye steak (some idiot from kansas city requested that??) corn on the cob, deviled eggs, veggies, tofu dogs or other meat substitue, ... I think you get the picture.We're here to have some fun, share some hugs and celebrate the life of a great man.Let's make this happen.

KC was a comet

A comet isn't measured in how long it burns and lights up the sky but rather in the intensity of its flame. KC was our favorite comet. Linda and I will love and miss him always.

Our little piece of KC

There’s nothing I can say about KC that all of you don’t already know. I didn’t know him as well or as long as most of you, I missed out. But it didn’t take knowing KC for a long time to “get” KC.

I only had the pleasure of spending time with him when he came to visit CT with my sister, Sarah. I’ll never forget the hours he spent with our kids’ EyeClops this past Christmas trying to magnify the most disgusting kid-friendly body parts, scars and objects he could find. Or he and our uncle with their R/C helicopter lessons and subsequent battles. Or how good and patient he was with my son Garrett, or the other 3 kids for that matter, whenever he came to the house. Or how excited he was to be attending that Patriots game and the hours we laughed and listened to him tell tales while tailgating with Sarah, my brother, my parents and I.

I know he meant the world to Sarah, how happy he made her and how lucky they each were to find each other.

The length and breadth of those he touched, and made an impression upon, is a true testament to what kind of guy he was. I’m thankful that he was a part of our lives.

my memory of KC

the night I met him was last spring when john and I visited
neil had a bunch of people over
and at one point in the night he asked me if he could literally pick me up
I said no
he proceeds to try to convince me that he could pick me up over his head
I'm like, no
so later on that night azam borrowed a sweater of neil's
and neil said that sweater looks good on everyone
so everyone started trying it on
I tried it on
and KC said, stand up & model it for us!
so I did
and he picked me up
but not over his head
thank goodness!

~ Laura Potter Walton

KC Update

After a two week struggle, KC left us, peacefully, Saturday morning around 5:30 AM.
His family and friends were with him.

Visitation will be from Noon to 4 PM, July 4th, at Lakeview Funeral Home, 1458 W. Belmont, Chicago, IL

Speeches, food, music, fireworks, party from 4 to 10 PM, July 4th, at the Humboldt Park Field House, 1440 North Sacramento Boulevard, Chicago, IL 60622

Please join us in celebrating KC's life.

"Holding Hands With K.C."

I've only held hands with K.C. twice.

This is the second time and

Though his is a tough burly bear man

Covered in tattoos I don't feel too gay.

Not that K.C. would shy away from a little man love.

When he hugged you he meant it and you could feel it way down in your toes.

His love is the most genuine kind, the kind that comes from way down in the earth.

The kind that gives life to shy twigs, little birds, and even great big elephants.

The first time I held his hand I was full of hope,

Full of the confidence that he so easily exuded every time I saw him.

I remember he told me once that this confidence was the result of a mother that

Loved him so much and who told him how special he was each and every day.

The first time I held his hand I told him how special he was,

How much his mother loves him, how much his girlfriend loves him,

How much his friends love him, how much his girlfriend's dog loves him.

Not that he would ever doubt this love but I knew he was playing in the dreamworld and

The mysteries of the universe are there and he is a curious fellow no doubt,

Easily distracted and excited by cool new and mysterious things.

So I whispered to him these things about love in a way that might distract him from

Those cool new mysteries and remind him of all the beautiful things in this world.

And I know he heard me too because he came to visit me at night and

He smiled his big silly grin and looked at me with his big bright eyes.

I slept well and deep and when I woke up I knew he would be alright.

Still I prayed just to be on the safe side.

I prayed to Shiva god of chaos and to Tao the great endless void.

I prayed to compassionate cross-legged Buddha and to Dancing Goddess Earth.

I even prayed to Christian God with his big white beard and great big silly grin.

And I know they heard me because they too are always whispering in dreams.

But what they whisper is not answers to petitions.

They whisper riddles shrouded in darkness and 

They whisper soft songs of solace.

And so it is now that I hold K.C.'s hand for the second time.

This time my grip is tight and tears escape my closed fluttering eyes.

This time I am saying goodbye to my dear friend whom I love.

I wish him a good journey, full of mystery and joy.

I ask him to be our guardian, to watch over us, protect us.

I tell him things he already knows,

That his love lives on within us, that he is part of us,

That his big silly grin is eternal and his bright eyes never die.

I feel a surge of heat permeate my body 

All the way down to my toes and

I know that he has heard me and is answering me again.

I know that he is telling me that this really isn't goodbye,

That this is only change and that all things change,

That this is only the next leg of the fantastic journey he was always on.

I remember he told me once how he could never stay in one place for very long.

So I finally let go of his hand, look at him fondly once more and

Wander out of the sterile hospital room, down the long shimmering corridor.

I wash my face in the bathroom, hug a couple of crying friends and

Take the crowded elevator down to exit the building.

I park my bike by the lake, sit on a big rock and

Gaze out across that large blue empty question.

It gives no answer but a sense of peace slowly pervades my sadness.

That night I play kickball with K.C. in the dreamworld.

He is very much alive, just like always and

As he blasts the ball out of the park and into the sky

We laugh at the funny cool mysteries of the universe. 

I love you K.C. Try not to kick my ass too much for writing a poem about you. I love you Sarah, Gail, Greg, and Jenny. I love all you dumb-ass kickballers. Try not to kick my ass too much for writing a poem about K.C., I know a speed metal country song would probably be more appropriate but I am as I am. 

Remember 'Darla', on fire on the side of the road, 5 miles from home? Remember that bruise you gave me? Remember Cup getting skunked? Remember the Naked Party? The first time I met you, you were working your way through the biggest bag of pork-rinds I have EVER seen - you impressed me even then! There are few things in London that match up to the kind of fun we used to have. I miss you more than I ever thought I could miss anyone. I promise to never waste time, to keep those special to me, like you were, closer than I have been. I promise to come one day to say things I never said, to meet your family, and Sarah, and offer them my friendship and love and support. I love you KC Haywood! x